Man, it's been so long since I've posted. So, the big "V-Day" is quickly approaching. I don't know how it happens, but tensions always seem to conveniently arise between me and my luvah around this time. It's almost as if Dave intentionally becomes quarrelsome to wiggle his way out of Cupid's cross hairs. I've never had any luck on Valentine's Day. I know, I know, its a Hallmark holiday and in the past, my bitterness for the commercial holiday would only be exacerbated by my single status, but there's still that hope deep down inside every girl's heart, that he'll pull through this year and knock my socks off (then maybe the rest of my clothes too). I'm not a materialistic person as those who know me can vouch. I'm not looking for the 1 carrot cushion cut diamond in white gold (so I've given it some thought, sue me). Seriously though, I'm not asking for long stemmed red roses (dandelions would do) and a chi-chi dinner (home cooked microwave is fine) and gilded chocolates (I love fiddle faddle). I'm asking for effort. Just the notion that he thought about me and attempted to expose his vulnerability and tenderness would be better than any Godiva chocolates. A Snoopy inspired red cellophane wrapped heart and a kiss would take the bitter taste of "V-Day" from my mouth. Pi-te-weee.

A friend of Dave's invited us to a little get together last Friday. I ended up having to go to a party by myself because Dave was a little too intoxicated to drive home from his buddy's house in Danvers. At the party, I met an idiot who, while trying to whisper sweet Star Trek nothings into my ear, pointed out a long haired Anthony Kiedis look alike and said, "you see that guy over there? He's probably, no IS in fact, THE smartest person at this party for sure. He's got like 2 master's degrees and has like 19 associate's degrees. He's got like 600 and something credits under his belt." I looked at Barney Fife and said, "really, THE smartest person here, eh? You really think so?" I let him go on and on. I've never seen a guy fluff another without toughing him in the process. I was completely uninterested, but he rattled on. I even tried to walk away, but the geek squad followed. I swear to God, it was like watching an episode of Beauty and the Geek. Not that I'm claiming to be a beauty, it's just that this guy's level of GEEKism was way up there. There's a big difference between a geek and a nerd (now don't get excited Jeff). Some dictionary definitions contradict my view, but here goes. To me, a nerd is an intelligent person who is ridiculed for their plethora of knowledge (yeah, OK so I might be categorized as a "nerd" in certain aspects of my life). A slave to fashion, they are not. A nerd takes pleasure in being a bit more studious than your average bear. They may posses the ability to blend in with the rest of their neighbors here on Earth. Talking to them and exchanging ideas can be fascinating. Many nerds posses the ability to recognize one another. We'll call it nerdar, similar to gaydar. Many of these "nerds" create a facade (usually spawned by Darwin's 'Survival of High School' theory), choosing not to expose their core. Most nerds know they have the potential to be a big ol' friggin' geek, so they usually keep their shit in check. Many nerds may temporarily crossover to geek status when gathered with fellow nerds who share their passions. Come towards the light Carol Ann! Many known celebrities have openly admitted to being nerds. There are those who hide it, and those who embrace it. This is not the case for the geek. The geek has no choice. This socially awkward bird is in fully glory, 100% of the time. He can't help himself. They can also be very annoying, obtrusive and plain old NOT FUNNY. A geek wants everyone to know just how smart they are. It is oftentimes difficult to have a discussion or debate with a geek, as they are not as receptive to new concepts and different opinions that challenge what they "know." They are the equivalent to a nerd train wreck. I can't help but to stare in wonder sometimes. It's like watching a blue haired struggle with that first stuttering step on the 2 step the staircase or watching the Jerry Springer Show. Geeks are in overdrive all the time. It sometimes it takes a normie (that's someone from the average population a.k.a. NORMAL) to tell the geek, "dude, chill the f*ck out." They should put a clause in the saying, "Let Your Freak Flag Fly......except for you, geeky, take it down a few." That brings us to the definition of a DORK. Please take this test. Take all of the negative aspects of being a nerd and a geek and subtract all of the intelligence. KA-BLAM!!! Napoleon Dynamite. So, to get back to my story: Anthony Kiedis comes over to auto fellatio his ego in front of me. THAT'S IT!!! I threw my gloves down. I let these socially awkward idiots (and I don't mean savant) know that I had my first IQ test when I was 7 years old. In the 4'th grade, I tested at 144. I was in talented and gifted classes all through grade school and junior high. I may not have 2 master's degrees, but I have 2 senses a lot of supah smaahhht people lack... and that is #1. common #2. humor. I can talk about anything you want to and actually bring something to the table, so stuff that in your pipe and smoke it tube sock slingin' Anthony Kiedis and Comic Book Guy from the Simpsons! The conversation somehow turned EMPs and magnetic surges so I waded in their kiddie pool a bit, then lost interest. I kept thinking, "I wonder how many women they've pulled this crap on, and how many actually believed their bullshit? " They were making me cranky and I couldn't let them ruined my night, so I chose to focus on fishing for compliments on a wonderful Brazilian dish I made called Feijoada that I brought to my friend Rio's party (who is, yes, Brazilian). It was a hit, regardless of the people at GOYA trying to destroy my wonderful dish. The recipe calls for 2 pounds of black beans (to be soaked over night, but who the hell has time for that?). I figured I'd use the canned stuff that's already cooked to cut corners. When I peeled the lid back, the black beans weren't black at all, they were PINK ......son of a bitch! The world is a vampire, my bloody Valentine.