There's an old Chinese proverb that says, "you can't change a tiger's stripes." How true, how true. God, do I have egg on my face. I was over the ex's dropping some stuff off. I jumped online to update my resume. F**king idiot did it again!!! This time, it was a live web/video sex site called IMLive.com. Again, I asked him the rhetorical question, "why?" to which I got the usual "duh, I dunno." This guy used to tell me he was too tired or too stressed to have sex (settling on once a week on the weekends), all the while he's spankin' it like a friggin' monkey at the zoo infront of his pc @ home. I believe everyone deserves a second chance, but not a third. Out of the kindness of my own foolish heart, I gave him multiple chances to show me and everyone else, what a good man he really was &/or could be. Damn, it's almost like he's doing it on purpose. He acts resentful towards me and almost hateful at times, so maybe it is intentional? I wrote him a long "Dear John"e-mail. I didn't even get drunk first. It feels right this time. I don't want to remain friends this time, because he slips right back into my life. Anyway, no real friend of mine would've done this to me. I've been searching the net because my mind is numb. I found a pretty cool site: "why he cheats" This tiger is gonna lay low in the shadows for a while. I need some solitude to rebuild my inner strength after this moron tore me down. He's hurt me so many times that now I feel like he's the enemy. Beware: you pull a cat's tail, you get the claws.

Is cheating online, cheating? This is the question that's been on my mind since I caught my "boyfriend" at it for the second time last night. About 2 years ago, I found a profile he created on a personal's website. We had it out and I was truly hurt. Time passed and I eventually forgave. Last night, in between passing out candy at his mother's house and checking my e-mail on his pc, I found he had signed up with SEXSEARCH.COM which was pretty raunchy. The dumb ass forgot to sign off of his e-mail server so when I got on, there was an email confirmation from this website giving his sign-on name and password. OF COURSE I had to log in to see what was going on. You know, it's funny. He had always criticized me for dating black men in the past. It seems that the 2 women he flagged as "hot pics" were both African-American women. What a hypocrite. I wanted to completely blow up at him last night in front of his mother, but these cute kids kept coming to the door. I didn't want to look like a crazy woman, although thinking back, Halloween would've been the perfect night to flip the hell out. I kept my cool. I casually confronted him about it. There were several different excuses/explanations. No apologies. He justified it by saying, "well, you're on Myspace and it's the same damned thing!" He got pretty angry at me. I figure he got angry because I caught him again. This time, he didn't try to stop me from leaving. This time he didn't call me repeatedly. I haven't heard from him since last night. This time, he just let go.