The Countdown

So it's been about 6 weeks since by gastric bypass and I'm still learning how to eat again. For example, this morning I made an egg *sunny side up of course* fried little cubes of ham steak and had a 1/2 slice of rye toast with strawberry preserves. I know that my eyes are now, literally, bigger than my belly. I realized I wasn't going to come near finishing my breakfast, lucky for my dog. He's getting a little pooch belly. I should walk him more. Back to the story at hand, I had the toast, 5-6 stamp-sized cubes of ham and had to call it quits. I think the toast was too dry 'cause it kept wanting to come back up. My mouth started doing that watering thing before you puke. "Dumping Syndrome" pain ain't no joke, it comes in waves/contractions. The only think I could do was walk it off, wait it out. There's nothing worse than that, "oh God, I'm gonna blow chunks... do I go outside and barf... the dog will probably find it and it eat... or do I run upstairs where other people are that can hear me hurl and cry like a little girl then ask me repeatedly if I'm okay?" I managed to keep it choked down. I walked around for a bit, pacing like a caged tiger.

Prior to surgery, they warn you about dumping syndrome. I've had it happen to me from not chewing up a piece of shrimp small enough. It got stuck in my esophageus. I've also had true dumping from eating a chilli-cheese dip I made for a potluck dinner. Potluck=bad luck. I experienced the vomitting, severe stomach cramping, profuse sweating, then the cha-cha-cha's---> all while here at work. Yah, I went home after that adventure.

Eating used to be such a joy. Now, I almost wish I didn't have to. I look at each meal like a 10 mile run. "Awe, do I have to?" I'm experiencing more and more nausea and cramping with each meal. Don't worry, I've been checked out by my surgeon and he assures me I'm okay. I get no satisfaction from eating anymore. I don't even get the satisfaction of feeling full. I go from eating one fork full to "oh my God, I'm gonna puke!" The full feeling I've been experiencing is more like a feeling of indigestion. It feels like all of my food is right on the edge of my stomach and could come back out at any given moment. It really sucks. Everyone I talked to, including the support group and meetings I had to attend, did nothing but push the "pros" on me. I wish someone had taken the time to tell me about the "cons". If I had to do over again, I don't know that I would. I would've at least taken a lot more time to think about it.

Total weight loss to date: 30 lbs

Home Again

I'm at my parents' house recovering after gastric by-pass surgery (oh I know, I wasn't fat enough for it, thanks a lot). My mother is driving me nuckin' futs. I lover her, but she's driving herself crazy now that my dog is here. She is now claiming that she's allergic to him. She's wound tighter than a golf ball, she damned near gives him a bath each time he comes back from a walk. She says that he was sniffing other dog's poo and pee. I tried to make her understand that just because he smelled it, doesn't mean he ate it or rolled in it, the smelly particles have not clung to his nose. She took a Benadryl and slept for 12 hours. I'm going home early I think. I'd rather suffer in pain and try to recover on my own than watch my poor dog pace back and forth. Looking into his brown puppy eyes is killing me. He's not comfortable sleeping on the hard tiles in the kitchen, he isn't allowed on any of the furniture, and he sure as hell isn't allowed to sleep with me. He doesn't think of here as home, so I think I'll be going to my home, where my dog can snuggle next to me.

Domestic Life

Thought I should publish since it's been a while. OK, here's the question: which chore do you hate the most? Me? Definitely dishes. I think it's only fair that if someone cooks, the other should do the dishes. I'm always cooking. It's like pulling teeth to get my domestic partner to wash a frickin' dish. He uses every pot, pan, glass, fork & spoon when we eat. Sometimes I feel like I've used every pot and pan in the house just to make hot dogs, but I think it's because my apartment is so small. Something I've noticed about when we eat: he doesn't use a napkin or drink any fluids during our meal and he'll finish one food item before eating another. The potatoes are usually the first to go. I had the best of intentions today to do some housework, but the day just slipped on by. OK, so what chore do you LIKE? I'll admit, I LOVE to vacuum. It must've been that toy in the pic I had as a kid. I never had an Easy Bake Oven though, so I can't explain my enjoyment of cooking. My mother never taught my sister or I how to cook. She used to always say, "I gotta teach you how so you can make this for your family one day." I didn't realize that all of those times I was standing around her feet as a child, that she was teaching me. She doesn't use any measuring devices, but there's plenty of tasting going on. I used to like to watch my mother cook, kind of like I used to like watching her put her make-up on. Maybe that explains my love affair with make-up? Ha!

Parking Lot Horrors

That sure as hell didn't take long. My door has a quarter sized ding in it, red paint free of charge. I've been parking in a new lot. I parked next to a red shitbox. I came out to my car, and surprise-surprise. The asshole must've kicked open their rear door. They didn't leave a note of course. I haven't even had my car for a month. I have a $500.00 deductible on my insurance plan, so it's not even worth reporting. Everyone I've mentioned it to, has been suggesting the most evil revenge. I don't think I can bring myself to it. I need one of these things in the picture. Ever key a car?

Insomnia

It's 5am. I haven't slept a wink. This blows. I'm finally kind of sleepy, but now I'm paranoid that if I do go to bed, I'll oversleep and be late for work. And now I have the hiccups. Perfect. Maybe I'll just stay up and get into work early. Hahahaha! Yeah right, good one. I'm delirious. I've always heard that one is considered "clinically insane" after 72 hours of sleep deprivation. I also recall something about it being a form of torture. I wonder if it's true? I should've taken a mouthful of NyQuil at 9pm, but I hate having to rely on drugs or chemicals to influence my mind to sleep. Ugh. Arrrrgggggg! Is it worth sleeping 1.5 hours before work? -Sleepless in Lowell.